Images
Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the ideal of them all?
It is quarantine. It is Friday night; day 100 and the entire week’s fatigue had gripped me. I knew I had to wash the utensils and make dinner. I was feeling really tired when suddenly I saw my reflection on the kitchen window overlooking the city of Mumbai. I saw my sullen face hands dipped in froth stuck in between two worlds.
A home where I barely stayed; courtesy long work and travel hours and the city once vibrant and speeding; now empty and silent.
A similar day pre- quarantine I would come home tired drop my bag, oil my hair, eat the warm food sink into my sleep to welcome the upcoming weekend. It was my mother who used to cook for me. Now that she is away I see her in me.
A daughter is the embodiment of success for a mother who waited for her to return and never even asked for a thank you.
I see I have taken her role, her image. A woman, a housewife who held a household for years .The house is run by me and my father, now that she is at her hometown. My father who never even lit the gas stove now cooks a full course meal, some delicious twists over the weekend. The roles have reversed. It is not what the world looked like before.
I can never forget people judging a wife because her husband cooked and she didn’t. I know you have met them!
Do you find yourself struggling to fit into boxes or compartments of social constructs? Well we all do.
We all have multitude of images we fixate on. A few of those are how you think people perceive you with respect to various conventional boundaries around you. Whether you are a student or a working professional or a woman or a man or are you married or do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend or whether you belong to a specific faith, you are judged. All these are boxed opinions that limit the potential that we are yet to discover.
The funny part is we fill our minds with the fear of the judgement and the question: What will people think? But if we think what they think, what will they think. Huh! The taxing effort we put on the thoughts of people who negate or demotivate us is not worth it.
I remember these funny questions from a girl who had just met me. It was a long time ago. We met at a family get-together and the first question she asked me was whether I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Well at that point I hadn’t considered the possibility of having a girlfriend. Haha. Today I gladly see their pride LGBTQIA with compassion. It hit me hard that why and how can a relationship status be a defining factor for knowing a stranger.
A friend had asked me whether I want to get married. Long time ago I had said no and he had made fun of the fact that a single woman is reprimanded by society. She is seen as a bewitched female. She cannot survive alone. And the idea stuck with me that a woman is supposed to marry or she is doomed for life.
With passing years I have come to realize that it is her choice.
Growing up in India we have seen curves and paths taken by individuals in front of our eyes. A rule is set and all young children are grilled through sixteen years of their lives to reach a pedestal. University. 4 years and you are a graduate. Add a few years and you can do an MBA. You look well settled have you thought of marriage?
It's been a while when are the kids coming. And the cycle starts all over again.
There are abundant opportunities in mainstream pathways however the individual choices should never be subdued under the pressure to follow the crowd.
Starting of the last few decades unconventional career paths have sky rocketed. These people following their passions have finally broken free of the set rules.
If you are an engineer you can also be a YouTuber.
If you are a homemaker, you can still become a photographer.
If you are a scientist you can still be a violinist.The life lived by the books and the fixed images are a lie we have all been taught. You can choose.
You are a girl and you need to settle down. It's a lie.
You are a man and you can't depend on a woman financially. Lie.
You are a boy. You cannot be emotional. It's a lie.It is age no bar, gender no bar, faith no bar; if you will you can.
The juxtaposition of roles, opportunities and defined peripheries are a myth.
Anyone can choose their life, the living to decide how to be lived.
Don't let the society tell you the right and wrong. The superimposition of the grid locks of society do not complete the puzzle. We are a reflection of society, they say. But it's time to build a society which is a reflection of us. You have the right to choose your identity. You can define it.
It’s your journey and the only image that truly matters is the one you accept, your reflection in the mirror looking back at you. Break free and carve out the life the only way you want.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” — Steve Jobs
